How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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