we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
