Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
