Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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