He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We're too hungover to prance.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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