The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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