I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
