The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
