I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
