Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
