as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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