evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
