i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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