He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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