I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there is glitter all over my balls
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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