Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
