Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
