Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This is my gift to your gina
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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