If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
