shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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