Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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