I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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