Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My balls are so social today.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
