I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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