Can i not drive my cunt home
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
