I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
