we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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