I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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