very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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