Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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