I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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