Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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