I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
