Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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