Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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