I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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