I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
