You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
