He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
