Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
