A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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