he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
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Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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