I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
