FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
