apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
