Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
