I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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