Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
