Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
