thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
