I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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