Dual....:-)
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So here I am, sexting at work.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
