He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
