She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
