i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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