I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just gift wrapped bread.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
