I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
