you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
