and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
