And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize