you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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