Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
