PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
