i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
