dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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