He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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