dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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