my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
