I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
