It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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