Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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