Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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