dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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