Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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