She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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