I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
