Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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