i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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