I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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