return my video game
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
