How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
