Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
