I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
