you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Terrible idea I love it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
