Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
