We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
